free lunch!

My office is located at Philadelphia's most southern tip, in the old Navy Yard. It's a beautiful place to be, with old retired battle ships, sprawling greens, and old general's houses with wrap around porches. Nowadays many companies are moving in and setting up camp. The yard has officially reached 10,000 employees, and last week we had free lunch to celebrate! They brought down 10 or 15 of the best food trucks in the city and let us go at it. Even better is that I'm broke and had no lunch that day, so I was super stoked on the free food. Fun times.

recognition, loss, and butterflies

You wouldn't think that there could be so many butterflies in the world. You wouldn't think everything could change in an instant. But there are, and it does. 

At the heart of his paper was the notion that fairy tales relieved us of our need for order and allowed us impossible, irrational desires. Magic was real, that was his thesis. This thesis was at the very center of chaos theory - if the tiniest of actions reverberated throughout the universe in invisible and unexpected ways, changing the weather and the climate, then anything was possible. The girl who sleeps for a hundred years does so because of a single choice to thread a needle. The golden ball that falls down the well rattles the world, changing everything. The bird that drops a feather, the butterfly that moves its wings, all of it drifts across the universe, through the woods, to the other side of the mountain. The dust you breathe in was once breathed out. The person you are, the weather around you, all of it a spell you can't understand or explain. 

I thought about how the familiar imprinted itself on you...I had questioned how it was possible for this man to love me all along, but I had finally begun to understand the reason: I knew him. If he came to me as a bear or a deer, I would still know him. If I were blind, if it was dusk, if a hundred years had passed, I'd still know. That couldn't be taken away, despite ruin, despite time.

If someone had told me of her plan, I could have chased after the car for miles. But it wouldn't have mattered. She had already decided. She took one last moment of care to make certain we wouldn't be hungry when we woke. When she saw the ice she probably felt she was lucky. Maybe that was her final wish. Some luck for once in her life. The life she'd had enough of. When she leaned down to kiss me good-bye maybe I heard it in her voice. She said, Good-bye, my darling girl. It may have been easier to blame myself than to think she would leave us that way. If she came back now, I do think she would know me; she'd still recognize me.

To think, I used to be afraid. I used to run and hide. Now I look upward...I hope what I'm seeing is the ever after. I hope it's you.

--

Above: beautiful excerpts from Alice Hoffman's novel, The Ice Queen, and compositions by me

weekly scenes

There are points in life when you feel like you're really doing something. Those times when you look around and nod your head yes, happy with where you're at. I've been going through a hectic few weeks, but life has been very satisfying. The hours are packed with hard work, hobbies, adventures, and love. Busied with all good things and proud of my accomplishments, I've been feeling very content. 

Work has been a pile of projects and endless to-do's. It could have been daunting, and yes there were points where it was, but overall I breathed in and out and checked tasks off with calm.  There have been weekends at the office to crank out more, but actually it was serene. Little Marley hung beside me as I plowed through, getting to do a lot with my hands. Painting and making and crafting, the lavender and glitter can't seem to disappear from my desk. No matter how much I scrub, it's all a sign of enjoyment that I don't really mind lingering. 

When the sun has gone down and I've been able to finally rip myself from the office, I've managed to have a full life outside of work. I find that it's important to have this and keep living into the night. If all you experience is the daily grind, it gets monotonous and one-dimensional. You need to have those outside events - laughing, tasting, growing - to round out the experience of life and keep it full, bursting at the seams. I know this and I stand for it. I've been putting my foot down when I need to. After all, you're the only one who can watch out for yourself, and I make sure to protect what makes me happy.

The last cog in the puzzle that has kept me content, is the time I've maintained for myself. I have a lot of hobbies that I want to work on, and namely a few main focuses. I've been sticking to my yoga and gym sessions. I finished a good book. I kept my room clean, and I cooked up delicious, healthy meals using local fare. Making space for these things in my life keeps me grounded. It gives me energy and love to spread beyond into other areas of my day.

There's nothing like a life that has all three: hard work, good times, and personal betterment. You have to work to maintain them all. And, most importantly, I've found it's best to live in the present, keep a smile in your heart, and enjoy the presence of each.