the journey

I've been on the road a lot lately. As I write this, I'm sitting in a hotel room in Harrisonburg, Virginia. It's just me and a big fat bible. The bible came with the room, I'm just a person passing through.
The long hours have left me a lot with myself. I don't think I've ever spent so much time in my own head as I have this past month. For some, that might sound great - the wide open road, time alone - but for me its been a bit bumpy. You see, I've always liked a certain amount of time to do my own thing, but at the end of the day, I like to be around friends. I like the energy of people close by, and without it I get lonely.

But I haven't had much choice, so instead I sit with it and let it happen. I stop myself when I start feeling sorry because I know this is a significant turning point in my life. Right now, I'm chasing after my own, and I cannot expect others to chase with me. At the end of each long journey, I've found immense joy and meaning for the road ahead. These are experiences meant for me, and me alone. Along the way, I'm building a strong sense of self awareness that for the first time ever comes from within. I find a pillar of strength in that.
I've come to realize that I have a self identity outside of interactions with other people. It's easy to develop an outlook on yourself based off of the way others treat you, and what they tell you about yourself. But when you step away from that mirror, who are you? 

Me, I'm a thinker...and a nerd. I listen to way too much NPR, and today, I caught myself engulfed in CSPAN radio as I drove through Washington DC. Why? Because I find it interesting and informative...and the kind of knowledge I should be filling my head with. As I drove on and the station fizzled away, the channel changed to country. I'm embarrassed to even admit it. The last time I listened to the country music station was back in high school. In fact, back then I loved it! It was my radio of choice. Maybe I like it now because it brings me back there. It reminds me of when things were simple. When life really was pick-up trucks, beer, and boys. When I really did spend all day on a farm, and head down to the lake with my best friends. As I drove through the valleys of America's wide open spaces today, the music cradled me with the safety I needed out here all alone.

Needless to say, I'm in limbo. It's that awkward growing phase where you don't feel like who you were, and you don't feel like you are who you're going to be. I'm me, right now. This silly being figuring it all out. I dream all day long about what's next. I know I can't stay where I'm at, but I also know that I can't yet leave. So I'm stuck. And I'm growing. I'm grooming myself to be able to do what I want. One day it will come, and when it does, it will be so, so sweet.

moments at home

Adam and I were able to take a quick trip back to Syracuse last weekend. As can be expected of central New York in January, temperatures were close to zero and snow covered every stretch of nature to be seen. Despite the bitter cold we were able to hit the snow shoe trails with my dad and the three dogs. At outset, my fingers were numbed to the bone, but once we got going the blood started rushing, circling in my abdomen and sending warmth to the extremities. It’s hard to explain the beauty that surrounded us. There is no other way to describe it besides saying that it felt like witnessing magic. Gusts of wind would knock snowfall from the trees, and it looked like a million tiny stars raining down. The quietness, the stillness…it was breathtaking.

The indoors felt just as magical. A warm haven of love. The older I get the more and more I appreciate my parent’s home. It’s full of good taste – not too fancy, but elegant and rustic. From light fixtures, to wedding gifts hanging on the wall, I love the little details all around. Above everything, I enjoy how lived in of a home it is. In every nook you can feel the years, the lives of three children, dogs, and two parents who love each other. Both my mom and my dad have their hobbies. My father paints, draws, and builds models while my mom is an avid gardener and reader. As a result the place is full of books, plants, paint brushes – you name it. The environment that all of it creates is so comforting to me. I peruse through and sometimes pick out a book to borrow. I guess you could say I feel at home. I can't help but think, "what precious little moments..."

weekly scenes

The indoors are getting cozy. Do you feel it?

Winter has moved her way in, making morning toast and heartfelt gifts all the more warming to the soul.

Not that I don't enjoy nature in winter. Oh, very contrary. 

She's quiet. She's exposed. She's beautiful.

But she's cold. And she circles her cool breeze around pockets of warmth, creating small cocoons for living creatures to find refuge.

Bright lights ignite rooms while snow crystals fall outside the window.

Four walls are a tightly wrapped blanket of love, light, and happiness.

Here, we find our comfort and what it means to be cozy.

thanksgiving, you were perfect

Dogs, fresh snow, lots of love...what else does one need to make a great Thanksgiving? Adam and I headed up to Syracuse where the air was ten degrees cooler and the ground covered in powder. It made for great snow shoeing weather, Adam and Marley's first time. Poor little Marley was very chilly towards the end, but she got over it quite quickly when we arrived back home where the fire was blazing and a cozy dog bed laid out in front. She, along with the rest of us, splayed out to relax in the living room before we got to work. Us humans enjoyed an amazing spread of fine cheeses. Finally, it was time to help my mother finish up the meal. All hands were on deck - chopping, peeling, setting plates. When we all at down a bottle of wine had already been finished. It was a great crew with interesting - enlightening - conversation.   I will speak for everyone and say that we all went to bed full of food and happiness that night. It was a great day. For the dogs, for the snow, for the immense love, I am beyond thankful. Here's to many more perfect Thanksgivings!

wissackon hike #2

I went on a hike to Wissackon with my friends Liz & Ellen a couple of Sundays ago. It was just a bit after I had been there with Adam, but between the two visits I saw stark differences in the landscape. It's amazing to see with your own two eyes nature adapting to spring. It happens so fast. Brown turns to green, flowers burst open, and where there was once a dead, dormant feeling, you can again feel life and happiness. Lord knows Marley enjoyed it. After playing in the stream, running up hills, and climbing on fallen trees, we finished things off with some soft serve and boy was it perfect. I.Love.Spring.

weekly scenes

Life has been yogurt parfaits and a lot of plants lately. We've been working our little butts off in the garden, and trying to squeeze in all of our regular hobbies around it. Needless to say, things have been busy, but busy with all good things. I ain't got nothing to complain about. I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride.